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“I keep them on an even keel with my temperament. I am strong and fit and I have a six-pack. I’m the diva,” replied the entrepreneurial, outdoorsy, and attractive Gina.

While acknowledging the recent explosion of enthusiasm and interest in SUPs, she categorically refuted any suggestion that paddleboarding was competing with Soul Cycle. (For those who have been kidnapped and held in seclusion without Internet access for the last year, Soul Cycle is a revolutionary full-body workout that combines tour-de-France-style cycling with inspirational coaching, and results in an immense amount of sweating and calorie-burning. It has taken the fitness world by storm. Comparing it to paddleboarding is somewhat silly, but then, I have never claimed to be otherwise.)

“Soul Cycle is fabulous. We are totally separate. I believe in fitness all day. Paddleboarding in the morning and Soul Cycle later, or vice versa.”

Sounding a bit like the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket, Gina told me that she regularly advises her upscale female clients to ditch their routine of lunching and shopping and substitute it with her rugged fitness-all-day regime. She is basically taking the Real Housewives of East Hampton and turning them all into sportif lesbians, which can only be a good thing.

We moved on to a more intimate topic. I was anxious to get Gina’s opinion on my crotch. In recent weeks I have been noticing a slight post-boarding soreness and discomfort on my right side, which I dubbed “gondolier’s groin.” The lovely Gina’s response was less than sympathetic:

“If you had paddleboarded with me, I would have made sure that never happened.”

She attributed my strain to the fact that I had not had a professional lesson (from the Paddle Diva) and had been paddleboarding with bent knees, thereby stressing my groin ligaments instead of strengthening my arms...